An Interview with a Radical Unschooling Family

37 Responses

  1. Heather says:

    Homeschoolers have options other than unschooling and school-at-home. I found the description of other homeschoolers a bit harsh.

  2. Angel-lena says:

    This is very interesting. While I agree that kids should be allowed to follow their interests in learning I also believe that they need to be raised and educated in a manner that will prepare them to be a part of the world at large….and the world at large has expectations and will never cater to anyone’s whims. I agree that her description of other homeschoolers was a bit harsh and will go a step further to include her description of traditional schools (at least where great teachers are involved). Although I like some of the concepts of unschooling, I don’t think I could ever radically unschool…..but that’s what’s greatest about homeschooling…I don’t have to do it anyone else’s way! 🙂

  3. Angel-lena says:

    This is very interesting. While I agree that kids should be allowed to follow their interests in learning I also believe that they need to be raised and educated in a manner that will prepare them to be a part of the world at large….and the world at large has expectations and will never cater to anyone’s whims. I agree that her description of other homeschoolers was a bit harsh and will go a step further to include her description of traditional schools (at least where great teachers are involved). Although I like some of the concepts of unschooling, I don’t think I could ever radically unschool…..but that’s what’s greatest about homeschooling…I don’t have to do it anyone else’s way! 🙂

  4. Totally Disagree says:

    Training a child is loving and respectful. Completely abandoning a child to their own whims is selfish and irresponsible.

  5. Totally Disagree says:

    Training a child is loving and respectful. Completely abandoning a child to their own whims is selfish and irresponsible.

  6. Sofia says:

    I think Dayna is an inspiration, and she put herself and her family out there to show that it’s not just some random theory, it’s a way of life and anybody is free to take some of it and integrate in their own lives. She does not abandon her children to their whims, she nurtures the whims and helps them mature to become something that is meaningful and transforming. I’m tired of watching kids these days being bored with everything, demotivated, completely lost with everything they HAVE to be and uninspired with what they WANT to be. Thank you Dayna, for your precious words.

  7. Sofia says:

    I think Dayna is an inspiration, and she put herself and her family out there to show that it’s not just some random theory, it’s a way of life and anybody is free to take some of it and integrate in their own lives. She does not abandon her children to their whims, she nurtures the whims and helps them mature to become something that is meaningful and transforming. I’m tired of watching kids these days being bored with everything, demotivated, completely lost with everything they HAVE to be and uninspired with what they WANT to be. Thank you Dayna, for your precious words.

  8. Dayna Martin says:

    My children do not need to be “trained” like a dog. Our focus in not on obedience, like the current authoritarian model of parenting promotes. It is on partnership, love and understanding. Punishments are cruel and only teach children that power rules and that to get what you want in life, you force others to do what you want. This type of “training” is the epitome of narcissism where the focus is on the parents needs only.
    We focus on our children’s needs UNDER their behavior. Unschooling is NOT for the lazy parent. We work in partnership to help our children get what they want in life. They love us and love being around us. We treat them with the utmost respect and kindness and in turn, they learn to treat others that way. They are the most amazing, kind, loving and peaceful children and they have never been punished or “trained” – Ever.

    Abandoning a child is abuse. To insinuate that Unschooling has ANYTHING to do with abandonment is incorrect and misleading and only perpetuates the excuse to control and punish children.

    Unschooling, as I share in the interview, is a *very* hands-on role. We are partners with our children and although we respect their choices and honor what they want to do with their time, to say that it is “selfish” on the parents part is false on every level. Forcing a child to “obey” through threat and violence, no matter how subtle – THAT is the epitome of selfish parenting. Forcing obedience is NOT respecting a child and their needs in any way. It is outdated parenting, much in the same way they men were taught to beat their wives to make them obey 100 years ago.

    Parenting, just like respectful marriage, has evolved! Children are more than just beings to force to obey OUR whims selfishly. We are here to share the world with them in partnership, respect, peace and love. Children behave as well as they are treated.

    ~Dayna

  9. Dayna Martin says:

    My children do not need to be “trained” like a dog. Our focus in not on obedience, like the current authoritarian model of parenting promotes. It is on partnership, love and understanding. Punishments are cruel and only teach children that power rules and that to get what you want in life, you force others to do what you want. This type of “training” is the epitome of narcissism where the focus is on the parents needs only.
    We focus on our children’s needs UNDER their behavior. Unschooling is NOT for the lazy parent. We work in partnership to help our children get what they want in life. They love us and love being around us. We treat them with the utmost respect and kindness and in turn, they learn to treat others that way. They are the most amazing, kind, loving and peaceful children and they have never been punished or “trained” – Ever.

    Abandoning a child is abuse. To insinuate that Unschooling has ANYTHING to do with abandonment is incorrect and misleading and only perpetuates the excuse to control and punish children.

    Unschooling, as I share in the interview, is a *very* hands-on role. We are partners with our children and although we respect their choices and honor what they want to do with their time, to say that it is “selfish” on the parents part is false on every level. Forcing a child to “obey” through threat and violence, no matter how subtle – THAT is the epitome of selfish parenting. Forcing obedience is NOT respecting a child and their needs in any way. It is outdated parenting, much in the same way they men were taught to beat their wives to make them obey 100 years ago.

    Parenting, just like respectful marriage, has evolved! Children are more than just beings to force to obey OUR whims selfishly. We are here to share the world with them in partnership, respect, peace and love. Children behave as well as they are treated.

    ~Dayna

  10. Fabulous Dayna, love the message you are bringing to the world. I truly feel that what the world needs is more creative and problem solving think-outside-the-box children who are self motivated… it is already full of smart people who are full of memorized facts and follow orders… what we need now are those free thinkers who revolutionize how we think and take us into the future on ideas that have yet to unfold. The best way I know of to encourage these talented souls to really soar is radical unschooling. I am right there with you and applaud the difference you are making in the world through your devotion to your children. I blog more about how passionately I agree with you Dayna here: http://www.intuitionphysician.com/thoughts-on-health-homeschooling/
    xoxox, Laura

  11. Fabulous Dayna, love the message you are bringing to the world. I truly feel that what the world needs is more creative and problem solving think-outside-the-box children who are self motivated… it is already full of smart people who are full of memorized facts and follow orders… what we need now are those free thinkers who revolutionize how we think and take us into the future on ideas that have yet to unfold. The best way I know of to encourage these talented souls to really soar is radical unschooling. I am right there with you and applaud the difference you are making in the world through your devotion to your children. I blog more about how passionately I agree with you Dayna here: http://www.intuitionphysician.com/thoughts-on-health-homeschooling/
    xoxox, Laura

  12. David Fisher says:

    When a child enters the public school system they are physically small. The power is held by those who have greater physical and mental abilities. This control is lorded over the young student. The student is not allowed to voice their thoughts or concerns. At a time when children should be taught how to use their developing powers of body and mind, they are shunted to follow conscripted rules of acceptable behavior. What follows is a populace who are trained to do as they are ordered, unable to critically think for themselves, and are at the mercy of those who hold power. John Dewey sees a grimmer result:

    If we train our children to take orders, to do things
    simply because they are told to, and fail to give
    them confidence to act and think for themselves,
    we are putting an almost insurmountable obstacle
    in the way of overcoming the present defects of our
    system and of establishing the truth of democratic
    ideals (Dewey, 1915, p. 304).

    The way our schools train students to take these orders without question is through a coercive practice of punishment and reward. Those students who, walk slowly and quietly in line are rewarded with immediate positive verbal praise. Those students who are laughing, jumping, or running to the next activity are immediately chastised. These behaviors are further reinforced with behavior charts, gold star stickers, letters and calls to parents, and report cards. For instance, Sally receives a 1, exceeds standards, in class participation. Billy receives a 3, needs improvement, in class participation. This practice does not teach children to respect their own unique learning process, it teaches to obtain the affection of parent and teacher by following direction. Does Sally learn that participating in class leads to a deeper understanding of the subject, or does she learn how to earn the “gold star?” John Dewey reinforces this reality by stating that:

    The inevitable result is that the child is rewarded
    when his memory is successful, and punished by
    failure and low marks when it is not successful.
    The emphasis shifts from the importance of the
    work that is done to the pupil’s degree of external
    success in doing it. Since no one’s performance is
    perfect, the failures become the obvious and
    emphasized thing. The pupil has to fight constantly
    against the discouragement of never reaching the
    standard he is told he is expected to reach. His
    mistakes are constantly corrected and pointed out.
    Such successes as he achieves are not especially
    inspiring because he does no more than reproduce
    the lesson as it already exists in the book. The
    virtues that the good scholar will cultivate are the
    colorless, negative virtues of obedience, docility,
    and submission. By putting himself in an attitude
    of complete passivity he is more nearly able to give
    back just what he heard from the teacher or read in
    the book (Dewey, 1915, p.296-297).

    David Fisher
    Green Mountain Natural Learning Center

  13. David Fisher says:

    When a child enters the public school system they are physically small. The power is held by those who have greater physical and mental abilities. This control is lorded over the young student. The student is not allowed to voice their thoughts or concerns. At a time when children should be taught how to use their developing powers of body and mind, they are shunted to follow conscripted rules of acceptable behavior. What follows is a populace who are trained to do as they are ordered, unable to critically think for themselves, and are at the mercy of those who hold power. John Dewey sees a grimmer result:

    If we train our children to take orders, to do things
    simply because they are told to, and fail to give
    them confidence to act and think for themselves,
    we are putting an almost insurmountable obstacle
    in the way of overcoming the present defects of our
    system and of establishing the truth of democratic
    ideals (Dewey, 1915, p. 304).

    The way our schools train students to take these orders without question is through a coercive practice of punishment and reward. Those students who, walk slowly and quietly in line are rewarded with immediate positive verbal praise. Those students who are laughing, jumping, or running to the next activity are immediately chastised. These behaviors are further reinforced with behavior charts, gold star stickers, letters and calls to parents, and report cards. For instance, Sally receives a 1, exceeds standards, in class participation. Billy receives a 3, needs improvement, in class participation. This practice does not teach children to respect their own unique learning process, it teaches to obtain the affection of parent and teacher by following direction. Does Sally learn that participating in class leads to a deeper understanding of the subject, or does she learn how to earn the “gold star?” John Dewey reinforces this reality by stating that:

    The inevitable result is that the child is rewarded
    when his memory is successful, and punished by
    failure and low marks when it is not successful.
    The emphasis shifts from the importance of the
    work that is done to the pupil’s degree of external
    success in doing it. Since no one’s performance is
    perfect, the failures become the obvious and
    emphasized thing. The pupil has to fight constantly
    against the discouragement of never reaching the
    standard he is told he is expected to reach. His
    mistakes are constantly corrected and pointed out.
    Such successes as he achieves are not especially
    inspiring because he does no more than reproduce
    the lesson as it already exists in the book. The
    virtues that the good scholar will cultivate are the
    colorless, negative virtues of obedience, docility,
    and submission. By putting himself in an attitude
    of complete passivity he is more nearly able to give
    back just what he heard from the teacher or read in
    the book (Dewey, 1915, p.296-297).

    David Fisher
    Green Mountain Natural Learning Center

  14. Em Roehrman says:

    We are mostly unschoolers. We still have rules. We aren’t Radical. Follow
    Daynas blog for 5 minutes. You’d see she isn’t a lazy or univolved parent. I don’t fully agree with her. But more with her than most.
    We live in the ozarks. In the country. (i say this since we are supposed to be in the heart of america…)And we see the PS bus drive by 5 days a week At 7 AM and 6 PM ALL YEAR LONG. And you don’t see people calling the children’s parent lazy or univolved. My children pity them. In the winter they don’t see the light of day except at recess. 🙁 Don’t misinterpret her written words.
    We have great friends that unschool. And wrote great books on it and training children that are misunderstood by some. Just remember it is very easy to miss the point when things are written.

  15. Em Roehrman says:

    We are mostly unschoolers. We still have rules. We aren’t Radical. Follow
    Daynas blog for 5 minutes. You’d see she isn’t a lazy or univolved parent. I don’t fully agree with her. But more with her than most.
    We live in the ozarks. In the country. (i say this since we are supposed to be in the heart of america…)And we see the PS bus drive by 5 days a week At 7 AM and 6 PM ALL YEAR LONG. And you don’t see people calling the children’s parent lazy or univolved. My children pity them. In the winter they don’t see the light of day except at recess. 🙁 Don’t misinterpret her written words.
    We have great friends that unschool. And wrote great books on it and training children that are misunderstood by some. Just remember it is very easy to miss the point when things are written.

  16. It is our own trauma and pain from our own childhood, especially school experiences, that prevents parents from being able to respond to their children’s needs with joy, love and a “yes”. Unschooling isn’t a parenting philosophy and it wasn’t radical until parents stopped putting first their children’s needs. Nature’s intent is for children of all ages, from toddler to teens, to live and learn by playing, exploring and creating, in freedom. As an unschooling family and author myself, my unschooled 18 year old son and I have spent a great deal of time with Dayna and her family at unschooling conferences and events. The joy of our children, and others whose needs are held as a priority is in such sharp contrast to most of the youth I worked with in the past who are so angry, depressed and disconnected due to the demands of adults who expect obedience and who take away the joy in childhood. Unschooling deepens life, family and social relationships, learning and joy.

  17. It is our own trauma and pain from our own childhood, especially school experiences, that prevents parents from being able to respond to their children’s needs with joy, love and a “yes”. Unschooling isn’t a parenting philosophy and it wasn’t radical until parents stopped putting first their children’s needs. Nature’s intent is for children of all ages, from toddler to teens, to live and learn by playing, exploring and creating, in freedom. As an unschooling family and author myself, my unschooled 18 year old son and I have spent a great deal of time with Dayna and her family at unschooling conferences and events. The joy of our children, and others whose needs are held as a priority is in such sharp contrast to most of the youth I worked with in the past who are so angry, depressed and disconnected due to the demands of adults who expect obedience and who take away the joy in childhood. Unschooling deepens life, family and social relationships, learning and joy.

  18. Lesli Peterson says:

    What is easy is to use “time-out”, to send your kids away to be “educated” by someone else. What’s easy is to coerce your children into behaving in a manner that works best for YOU and ensures you “look” like a “good parent” to the rest of the world. What takes little effort is rewarding and punishing in order to control behavior, and making un-just demands on people who are smaller and less powerful than you.

    What takes real love and devotion is partnering with your child to help them achieve *their* goals, loving them when their goals and decisions don’t always align with yours or your ideals for them. What takes effort is putting your kid’s feelings and thoughts before your own “image” in public. What takes real courage is respecting all people, regardless of their age or size.

    We have young children, but we have always known we would unschool them. And we always will. Some may call it “abandoning them to their own whims” but we call it respecting our children as human beings – and to us, respect is the highest form of love and adoration.

  19. Lesli Peterson says:

    What is easy is to use “time-out”, to send your kids away to be “educated” by someone else. What’s easy is to coerce your children into behaving in a manner that works best for YOU and ensures you “look” like a “good parent” to the rest of the world. What takes little effort is rewarding and punishing in order to control behavior, and making un-just demands on people who are smaller and less powerful than you.

    What takes real love and devotion is partnering with your child to help them achieve *their* goals, loving them when their goals and decisions don’t always align with yours or your ideals for them. What takes effort is putting your kid’s feelings and thoughts before your own “image” in public. What takes real courage is respecting all people, regardless of their age or size.

    We have young children, but we have always known we would unschool them. And we always will. Some may call it “abandoning them to their own whims” but we call it respecting our children as human beings – and to us, respect is the highest form of love and adoration.

  20. Joshua Gomes says:

    I think it is interesting that you label everyone who doesn’t unschool as repressive and angry, lacking joy and peace. I’ve often thought of Dayna Martin and being open minded. Instead, I realize that she is negative, critical, and judgmental. How disappointing.

  21. Joshua Gomes says:

    I think it is interesting that you label everyone who doesn’t unschool as repressive and angry, lacking joy and peace. I’ve often thought of Dayna Martin and being open minded. Instead, I realize that she is negative, critical, and judgmental. How disappointing.

  22. Dayna Martin says:

    “I think it is interesting that you label everyone who doesn’t unschool as repressive and angry, lacking joy and peace”

    You are misquoting me here, as I never said these words, nor have I labeled anyone what you have shared.

    I think it takes a great deal of open-mindedness to walk this path. Some of my articles and interviews can come off strong when I am advocating for children’s rights, but negativity or judgement is never my intention.

    Thank you for the input Joshua. I appreciate you taking the time to comment about your perception.

    ~Dayna

  23. Dayna Martin says:

    “I think it is interesting that you label everyone who doesn’t unschool as repressive and angry, lacking joy and peace”

    You are misquoting me here, as I never said these words, nor have I labeled anyone what you have shared.

    I think it takes a great deal of open-mindedness to walk this path. Some of my articles and interviews can come off strong when I am advocating for children’s rights, but negativity or judgement is never my intention.

    Thank you for the input Joshua. I appreciate you taking the time to comment about your perception.

    ~Dayna

  24. Pam says:

    Thanks, David Fisher. It has been difficult for me to express myself this clearly & without rambling on. Impressive.

  25. Pam says:

    Thanks, David Fisher. It has been difficult for me to express myself this clearly & without rambling on. Impressive.

  26. Vg says:

    Wonderful job, Dayna!

    I always find it odd when people think unschooling is about unparenting and then they find it normal and natural to send children away to be raised, or “adopted” as John Taylor Gatto says, by an institution for the most crucial 12 years of their lives. You are giving up most of your parenting when you do this, this way sounds like the unparenting.

  27. Vg says:

    Wonderful job, Dayna!

    I always find it odd when people think unschooling is about unparenting and then they find it normal and natural to send children away to be raised, or “adopted” as John Taylor Gatto says, by an institution for the most crucial 12 years of their lives. You are giving up most of your parenting when you do this, this way sounds like the unparenting.

  28. Kerri harrington says:

    Great article, Dayna. We are also unschoolers
    and love the freedom that comes with it.
    People should try to understand that unschooling
    Is a viable option that is born out of great love
    and repect for our children. Not only have my kids
    expanded their world on this journey, but so have
    my husband and I. We have so much fun ttogether and do
    n

  29. Kerri harrington says:

    Great article, Dayna. We are also unschoolers
    and love the freedom that comes with it.
    People should try to understand that unschooling
    Is a viable option that is born out of great love
    and repect for our children. Not only have my kids
    expanded their world on this journey, but so have
    my husband and I. We have so much fun ttogether and do
    n

  30. MARC says:

    Hi Laurie , My name is marc I’m from new jersey I believe I found a great reading tool for children ADD or for adults like me I’m looking for some to look at my find and maybe research it thank you marc.lourie@yahoo.com

  31. MARC says:

    Hi Laurie , My name is marc I’m from new jersey I believe I found a great reading tool for children ADD or for adults like me I’m looking for some to look at my find and maybe research it thank you marc.lourie@yahoo.com

  32. sara mcgrath says:

    Every word Dayna wrote was full of love for her kids and for all of our kids. I can’t imagine interpreting otherwise.

  33. sara mcgrath says:

    Every word Dayna wrote was full of love for her kids and for all of our kids. I can’t imagine interpreting otherwise.

  1. November 11, 2012

    […] was reading an interview with Dayna Martin. She is a well-known leader in the unschooling community.  This jumped out at me, because in an […]

  2. November 11, 2012

    […] was reading an interview with Dayna Martin. She is a well-known leader in the unschooling community.  This jumped out at me, because in an […]

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